Someone on Twitter asked me for a playlist I was compiling for a friend’s birthday. I have delivered the CD, so here is the playlist. You can listen to most of it, kinda sorta, on my Blip.fm channel:
The Walking (and Constantly) – Jane Siberry. I found a nice little home-made version on Blip.fm
The Chain – Fleetwood Mac
Soma So De La De Sase - Bobby McFerrin (Medicine Man album, not to be found on Blip.fm. Yes, he does a LOT of work in jazz and classical, not just that stupid be happy song!)
31 Years – Elliot Brood (also not found on Blip.fm)
or .. I really regret not eating more than two cookies, a Bounty and some veggie soup yesterday
Marathon Runner Tori. Hard to believe this was only three weeks ago - RVM 2009
I bonked during my run this morning. Just as I finished my warm up.
I ran down Cook St to Dallas Rd, then headed over to Moss, intending to finish the w/u along the flat and straight, then go right into the hill workout when Moss starts to climb.
Instead, I walked home after about 20 minutes into my run, completely out of gas, cursing silently and outlining the reasons why: chief among them the fact that I ran my first marathon three weeks ago. Michael warned me something like this might happen — it takes 3-4 weeks to recover fully from a 42.2 km race.
But my atrocious nutrition the day before (see above) had a lot to do with it too.
Now I sit with my oatmeal in hand and my feet in ice water, vowing to grab a super-veggie burrito from Hernandez’ for lunch, enjoy a drink after work with a friend, and try for the hills on the weekend.
When the rain moistens the streets and the leaves limp and slick underfoot threaten banana-peel humility I slap on a headlamp and chase the drops falling in its beam of light.
Three workouts in 36 hours. Not enough to outrun the deafening silence of still unfulfilled dreams.
Slick with sweat last night, no window open wide enough. Perimenopausal? Flu? Nerves? Restlessness?
We all have our reasons for running. Mine are no different and no clearer and no more mundane or less important than anyone else’s.
The hills slay me. I choose them. They are my poison. Post-marathon, there’s no training group and I am finally alone. I forgot how much I love to go inside – deep inside – when there’s no chatter and laughter and distracting us from 3 hours of tightening hips and growing blisters, averting our gaze from the boredom and the pain and the effort.
I love the boredom and the pain and the effort. I love the wet soaking through my jacket, I love dancing around puddles and the thrilling little shock of cold wetness on the toes. A surprise – I find a fresh alley, a new tree, a shiny streetglow under a lamp that wasn’t on at this time 3 months ago. I find a new insight, a poem written and forgotten before I see warmth again, a story plotted with characters and lost to the search for a bagel back in the cozy smallness of the kitchen.
I finished the Royal Victoria Marathon yesterday with a chip time of 4:42:35.
It was unlike anything I’d ever done before. Uncharacteristically my legs stiffened up at the 25 k point, something they never did during long training runs. Until then I was on track for a 4:30 finish. After that, it was just pain.
And so it goes with racing. It wasn’t the worst I’ve felt during a race, but I certainly could have felt better. It was a humbling lesson in allowing myself to sink into the moment, as painful as it was. I was able to just let it be. The pain, the gorgeous day, my lovely daughter giving me fresh water bottles at 13 and 34 k. It was what is was, and it was good.
My baby daughter Sarah, the one who died in my arms, the one for whom I was running yesterday, was with me the last 2 or 3 k, pushing me along. I was quite emotional – grateful, sad, happy it was over, immensely proud of myself for coming such a long way. I found a kick I didn’t think was there in the last 800 metres. I can’t describe the feeling of seeing the finish line, it was just as I’d visualized. I was in tears.
The technical lesson learned was that I may have gone out too quickly. My team mates were doing 6:00/k at first, and my plan was to start out at 6:25/k. so I dropped back after 8 k. Too late maybe, perhaps contributing to the leg pain later.
My soul lesson was one I learned the evening before the race when I met Michael Lebowitz and we shared some of our writing with each other. I was privileged to read an as-yet-unpublished piece of his that really inspired me. Before I headed out the door I wrote a Twitter post paraphrasing part of it and scheduled it to go out as I was finishing the race:
“It’s not about the pain, or the training, or my pace. I’m letting it be. It’s about who I am in this moment.”
I dug deep into that wisdom when my legs were screaming at me.
I am very grateful for some other moments during the race:
A warm hug for a dear one, on Dallas Road at about the 10K mark. I felt those arms around me for miles and miles.
Bill Broughton, who was there every few kilometres taking pictures.
Suzy – running partner from the Vancouver Half Marathon this past May, urging me on just as I entered the Inner Harbour to the finish.
Tim, Cathy and my dear daughter Mary who were at the finish line cheering me on.
A secret swig from Tim’s flask to wash down my finish line bagel!
Superman. I beat Superman!
I also passed a clown and a guy in a lime green costume.
The excitement of the start line with my running group.
The exhilaration of seeing a sea of runners all around me filling up the downtown streets.
The gang from Frontrunners cheering everyone on.
The amazing volunteers without whom we could not race.
Martin from Los Angeles (who I ran with for about 1 k) who loves Victoria so much he wants to move here.
And of course, I am grateful to Caroline and Randy who fed us the most sumptuous Thanksgiving dinner later that day. I piled my plate high and ate the entire thing, then had two desserts. What a perfect way to celebrate 42.2!
I think I will be finishing in 4 hours, 30 mins, but I will be happy just to finish! Here’s a link to the course map.
Start gun is at 8:30 am. It will take me anywhere from 5-10 mins to make it to the starting line. (at Menzies and Kingston, Parliament Bldg). Then my chip will begin recording my time. SO my start time will probably be around 8:35 or 8:40 am. THIS IS ALL APPROXIMATE:
Mile Split Approx time Approx location
1 00:10:18 8:50 AM Wharf at Bastion Sq
2 00:20:36 9:00
3 00:30:54 9:11 Cook & Park (toward Heywood, into Beacon Hill)
4 00:41:13 9:21
5 00:51:31 9:32
6 01:01:49 9:42 Dallas Rd at Ross Bay
7 01:12:08 9:52
8 01:22:26 10:03 Richardson at Cowichan (Mary!)
9 01:32:44 10:13 Oak Bay at Hampshire/Monterey
10 01:43:03 10:23 Oliver and Central (Monterey School – Rena!)
11 01:53:21 10:33Beach Dr. – Just passing Victoria Golf Club
12 02:03:39 10:44
13 02:13:58 10:54 Beach Drive at Bowker
14 02:24:16 11:04
15 02:34:34 11:15 Beach Drive at Lansdowne. Turnaround is on Exeter
16 02:44:53 11:25 Just past Cattle Point (on way back)
17 02:55:11 11:35 Passing Oak Bay Marina/Turkey Point
18 03:05:29 11:46
19 03:15:48 11:56 Beach Drive at Oliver (back past Rena again)
20 03:26:06 12:06 PM Mitchell at Oak Bay (please don’t say “Almost there!”)
21 03:36:24 12:17 Richardson at Lawndale – 34 K the farthest I’ve ever run
22 03:46:43 12:27
23 03:57:01 12:37 Dallas approaching Clover Pt just past Ross Bay cemetery
24 04:07:19 12:48
25 04:17:38 12:58 Dallas at Pilot. NOW you can say “Almost there.”
26 04:27:56 1:08 Erie and Dallas
FINISH 04:30:00 – 1:10 PM – in front of Parliament Building facing Inner Harbour
Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,
what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.
In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.
And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent Earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.
Phat Lizard, Grand Canyon 2006, last time I was in AZ
…I climb to get outside myself. I need balance. Climbing is my next adventure after I run the marathon this Sunday. Climbing is meditation – it demands absolute focus and discipline, something my mind really needs right now.
By way if this blog post I invoke a guardian angel to treat me to this weekend in Arizona thatI can’t afford right now – combining climbing, meditation and yoga: http://bit.ly/3AXkjs….
La Traviata. Pacific Opera Victoria, Oct 6, 2009.
I am an opera virgin. I am not a listener of opera (until now), but I have always wanted to experience it. (Guess I should have put it on my list).
So I’m going. Tuesday. With Roger and Jim (sitting in the orchestra pit practically) and with Scott (in nosebleed section with me), who has also never been to a live opera but whose mother was an amateur opera singer.
I think I’m ready to make full benefit of glorious opera opportunity:
Gist of storyline: check.
Appreciation of music: double check! I downloaded the Pavarotti/Sutherland performance to my iPhone.
Love of Italian language: kept me in relationship with Italian guy for 5 months even though I knew deep down it was doomed from the first two weeks: check.
Yep. He’s here. This my grandson, Oliver. The universe seems so vast and abundant because of this tiny guy. If I carried the hope of the world when I was pregnant with his mother 24 years ago, now I feel I contain multitudes. I’ll let his mother tell you the rest of the story: pocketbuddha’s blog.
Each morning I lie in bed and listen to the song “Love Like a Sunset Parts 1-2″ by Phoenix and visualize myself running the Royal Victoria Marathon next Sunday Oct. 11, crossing the finish line, hugging my daughter. Because If I were to make a video of my marathon, this would be the soundtrack.
I think I’m going to need some help on race day. So here’s the roll-out, portions in red are where I need friends to “crew” me in the race:
7:30 – I start walking from my place to the start line at the Parliament building. Depending on the weather, I’m in layers: pants over shorts, sweater and garbage bag over run gear, run mittens over glove liners. Hat, sunglasses (if I need them), hydro belt with gels inside. I’ll be nervous, and when I’m nervous I shiver, hence the garbage bag and extra sweater. Besides it might rain. 7:50 I get to the start line and go to the biffy. Again. 8:00 I meet up with my run buddies somewhere near the start. and we go line up near the back of the marathoners. 8:25 I hand extra layers to a friend at the start line. I may visit the biffy again, but the line-up will probably be long. 8:30 Start gun. I may be in the biffy, but that’s ok because I’m wearing a timing chip on my shoe that doesn’t start my run time until I cross the sensor pads at the start line.
8:30 – 1:00 – I’m running 42.2 km. The race map is here, as well as details about road closures in downtown Victoria that day. I will need cheerleaders especially at the last half and three quarters of the race. Halfway is on Beach Drive just before Uplands Park/Cattle Point, but the turnaround is farther on, at Exeter.
My daughter will be at Cowichan near Richardson at the 13 and 34 km marks, and then she’ll be making her way to the finish line. I can stash extra layers with her if I need to (or grab an extra one.)
Good cheering points: anywhere along Dallas Road, Oliver (Rena, my boss lives on Oliver-31 km point-and I will stash an extra gel or two with with her), Mitchell & Oak Bay intersection, Hollywood and Dallas on the way back.
The 30 – 40 km will probably be the toughest. When I reach 40 km or so with the finish line 2.2 kms away, I’ll know I’ve made it even if I have to hobble. But that’s not going to happen, I am finishing strong. I think I am probably going to cry when I cross it, but that might not be the case – when I was pregnant with my daughter, my last baby (a difficult, high-risk pregnancy after losing Sarah) – I visualized myself giving birth to a healthy baby and I always cried with relief. But then when she was born I didn’t, I was just tired and ecstatic. When I had my dream about running with Sarah 17 years ago (that story is here) I was calm and serene.
So all bets are off. I just know that I’m ready and I’m going to finish at about 1 pm. I might cry, I might laugh, I might puke, my daughter might let me give her a hug (she usually doesn’t when I’m all sweaty from a long run).
Then I’m going to go home and have a long bath and I’m going to need someone to invite me over for a huge meal.
Then the next day is Thanksgiving and I’d really like someone to invite me over for a large dinner.
In 2009 I resolved to: revel in my singledom; run the Victoria Marathon in October and rekindle my passion for rock climbing. This is my accounting of that resolution. Contact me at tori_klassen [at] yahoo [dot] ca.
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In 2009 I resolved to: revel in my singledom; run the Victoria Marathon in October and rekindle my passion for rock climbing. This is my accounting of that resolution. Contact me at tori_klassen [at] yahoo [dot] ca.
